The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness: Connectedness
Following up from last month’s issue, connectedness is the first step in Dr. Edward Hallowell’s five-step plan for promoting successful learning for children.
Dr. Hallowell posits that happiness is something that most parents want for their child, but how many parents have a plan to get there? We are living in the greatest age of connectedness (digitally), but it is also the greatest period of human disconnection in history!
Think about that for a minute. When was the last time you went to look for someone instead of calling them on the phone? We see similar patterns with children. I remember the first time I saw two teens sitting together, not speaking or even looking at each other, and discovered that they were speaking to each other by texting! It is not uncommon today to see the same patterns in families, for example, a parent texting their child, who is the next room, to come to the dinner table. (I know I have been guilty of this, once or twice).
Research on the iGeneration is showing that many children are not developing social skills. While they have hundreds of friends on social media, very few of them have actual friends. So, it is no wonder that recent studies are reporting that children are expressing that they feel lonely and isolated… disconnected. This disconnectedness affects the way children learn and develop. Connectedness, as presented by Dr. Hallowell, is the first and most important foundation for children. He posits that connectedness roots children, and feeling rooted gives them a foundation of love and security. So what does this entail?
Connectedness, as described by Dr. Hallowell, includes a relationship with God or a belief in something greater than oneself. Connectedness means unconditional love from parents and family togetherness, such as spending time together. Connectedness means being given opportunities to contribute in the home, as well as in the classroom. These all help to foster a sense of belonging.
Once, a friend shared with me that she asked her seven-year-old son if he knew that she loved him. She was devastated when he said no, he didn’t know. After launching into a scorecard of all the sacrifices she had made, and was making for him, the child listened. When she got to the end, he replied, “I know that you take very good care of me, but I don’t know that you love me.” When she had recovered enough to ask him what he meant, he told her that parents who love their children spend time with them and played with them. At seven years old, this little boy spelled love ‘c-o-n-n-e-c-t’.
So, how are you connecting with a child in your life? Share with us by sending your email to info@nathanshelpinghandsfoundation.org. If, after reading this article, you feel that you can do more to connect, now is a good time to start.
